Thursday, September 11, 2008

Clause #24 - You Are NOT a "Model" and That "Photographer" is a D-Bag

I think it's hilarious how every girl thinks she's a model. This is partially because there are some very desperate/horny "up and coming" photographers out there. Let's be honest: Any douchebag with an SLR will do a free "photo shoot" for the simple fact that he might get to see some nip. In the biz, we call this a TFP (trade for print). Basically, the wannabe "model" is approached by a "photographer" and propositioned for a deal that consists of her time being traded for free prints. While she gets the pictures, he gets a chance to "update his portfolio". This translates to me as a false self confidence booster in trade for free sex. It all stinks... just another reason for sleazebags to get with 7's.

So in this entry we'll confront the holistic entity of the insane levels of douchebaggery that is modern "photography". First, we'll talk about girls that are wannabe models. Second, we'll address the wannabe photographers and their schemes.

The "Models:

Now don't make me bust all of you out and post pics of what you really look like, please. That would be too easy, and I am just too classy. You parade around Myspace and Facebook with your digital images, fat with slutdom. You were probably not given enough attention as a child. Maybe that boy in 9th grade turned you down underneath the bleachers when you wanted to go "all the way". Maybe all your hot friends consistently get hit on by more men when you're out socially. It is a sad lesson, but why not learn it? You are not attractive enough to be a model. Let me say again: YOU ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO BE A MODEL. If you say that in the mirror ten times a day, you might get some healing. Luckily, there are men out there that aren't concerned about just what's on the outside. The most attractive women I know don't post pictures of themselves with 1.75 stitches of clothing on. God has blessed them with something called self-worth, which you do not have. The attention you seek, simply put, is a fire that will not become extinguished. The hole is bigger and deeper, and you're only making it worse for yourself. You crave attention from men like you craved that last Double Whopper you just ate.

At no point has any seasoned, rational, and noteworthy model scout ever given you the time of day. Instead, Jimmy Douchebag with his brand new SLR wants to see you with your top off in his private "studio". You are starved for attention and sadly mistaken. And the most saddening part is that smart people like me see through it like just-cleaned glass. However, for you there is hope. You are the victim of manipulation, and there is still time to turn away from your antics.

The Photographers:

For you, there is no hope. You are God's wrathed stench: a foul excuse for a human soul. You are scheming, detestable, and malicious. You prey on women with low self esteem and capitalize on the opportunity. I wonder exactly how the scene plays out... do you fill them with self confidence, give them a false sense of comfort, and then take advantage of these girls? Do you say things like "It's nothing I haven't seen already"... Trust me you snot, I am there with you in spirit.

I hope everyone sees you for what you are. You feed internally broken women, these Vegas girls, horse pills of cunning that most cannot seem to decipher. They're already depressed and you know that. I know because I used to be a photographer. I had ample opportunities to take advantage of certain situations, but I didn't. I don't need a scheme...

So, girls: Have some self-worth. Be a little more cautious the next time someone approaches you. If you have an experience that relates to this, tell us about it in the comments section. Has any photographer ever weirded you out? Perhaps you were too wise for his scheme and saw it coming.

Douchebags: Rot in Hell. I'll see you when you get there.

Just Sayin'



Anonymous said...

Well said. Spot on. Real men don't go after that model crap anyway. Fortunately these characters seem to be also nesting mainly in Vegas and Socal.

Why do you think I now live so far away from vegas?

Coach said...

Do you think there are more Photographers or Lawyers in Las Vegas?